I am a patient man.  I repeat the phrase, “I am a patient man” often.   I know that sometimes I need to listen; that takes patience.  Other times I need to act; that takes patience too.

It is good for me to persist at a task (either listening or doing), even when the outcome is unclear….And I do love clarity.  I suppose all of us love clarity to some degree or another.   Some must know an outcome before they proceed (planners); others get a thrill from the unknown (perhaps it is clarity in the moment?).

I have seen some people get really “out of sorts” when the outcomes they expect do not materialize.  On the other hand, some people are more able to cope with uncertainty or change, as it happens.

I believe that these three – patience, clarity, neat and tidy – are linked to expectation to varying degrees.  High expectations require patience: lots of it.  That does not mean I set low expectations (really depends on the situation).  Rather, I try to set expectations appropriate to the situation, be clear to myself about those expectations, and then exercise patience in the moment (sometimes I even adjust my expectations “on the fly”).  Doesn’t make things neat and tidy, but maybe a bit more comfortable for me (neater and tidier?).

PS – Neat and tidy has a place in writing, as I do like to have “resolution” in my stories.  But if it is really messy before that resolution, that makes for a good read.

This is another take on follow your passion, lose track of time, identify your “hot spots,” or as this Patty Azzarello puts it “follow your energy.”  In a nutshell, know your passion(s), but if it is not your job, that might be just fine.  That doesn’t mean you can’t like your job, enjoy your job, or have fun at your job.  It just means it might not be your passion; don’t beat yourself up about it.  The job may allow you the income to do or support those other passionate things.  And that is a good thing.

Check out the full discussion/explanation at:

http://www.azzarellogroup.com/blog/2012/01/04/how-to-like-your-job-more-really/

 

I like clarity and I like order.  I think we all do to varying degrees.  Sometimes, when life is overly chaotic, I will organize my room, garage, desk, yard, car, or something, to give me the “illusion” of control.  In the past, I have even tried to direct people around me to give me the perception of order.  Me directing others often makes those being directed uncomfortable and besides who wants to be told what to do?  On top of that, I get frustrated because I don’t get exactly what I want; selfish, I know, there is a point here.  When I get to that stage, I usually need to step back and “re-gage” what is going on for me.

Many moons ago I talked with someone about my “discomfort” (…more self-serving).  The first couple of times we spoke, the individual listened and offered some ideas for me to consider.  On the third visit, they sensed that I needed something more than suggestion and said the following:

“You like things neat and tidy, and the world is not neat and tidy.”

This is a very simple statement.  I understand the direct.  I have been told, “I have an astute awareness of the obvious.”  Hmmm, I digress….  Anyway, for some the point of the statement is obvious, for me it was “watershed” moment (again not what I wanted to hear, but what I needed to hear).

Think of it as letting go of control, planning less, experiencing more now, being in the moment, being less of a dick, or embracing the individuality of a creative life.  I have embraced “the world is not neat and tidy.”  I am more at peace with the chaos; yes, I still have my moments and I cleaned up part of the garage before the new-year.

For me, life is not always obvious (yeah, news flash…), there is opportunity in the moment, and others have their own version of neat and tidy; neat and tidy has a place, but messy and disordered is fun too.

I was blessed to get a massage this weekend; it was a gift.  I like them and it is always nice to get one, especially when you can do it without the planning.  Needless to say it was an excellent part of my day.

Besides the physical, the muscle relaxation, and the mental decompression (aka endorphin rush), there is a mental “time warp” that seems to occur for me.  During the process, some seconds seem like hours, like when the masseuse hits a direct pressure point that brings pain and release in the same moment.  Or when “time is up” and the hour feels like it is gone in seconds.

In previous postings I have mentioned “First Things First” (Stephen Covey) which lays out a method for considering what is important in your life and planning those important things into your day/week/month/life.  For example, if attending a baseball game, surf competition, or dance recital is important to your family life, write it in your planner/schedule and then work in your other important stuff (like work), around it; simple concept and difficult to implement, but you’ll feel good about your life.

In a similar vein, I was reading an article about how to “Track Your Passion,” or how to bring things into your life that “fire you up,” or as the author of the article put it, events that cause one to “forget about time.”  Massage made me forget about time and things that bring me pleasure usually do.  However, I had a “connect the dots” experience after the massage;

1)   If first things first are the important things

2)   Things that give one pleasure are in the “passion” zone

3)   Can first things also be passion things; one in the same?

Short answer; yes, if you are lucky, stay conscious, and work at it…oh, yeah, and follow your passion.

I just finished the Tina Fey book, you don’t need to wonder why, she’s cool, just is.  Anyway, she had these rules for improvisation (Improv) and I believe that “Improv,” similar to other forms of “enlightenment,” “self-realization,” “self-management,” or how I chose to view life, depends on how I approach it.  Simply put, think happy thoughts.  Here are the rules for Improv:

1. Agree – say yes to your partners’ creation

2. Yes, and – add something (positive) to the discussion

3. Make statements – be part of the solution

4. There are no mistakes, only opportunities    (yes, you can disagree about the rules and how there used.  Nothing is absolute except zero…)

Again, “News Flash,” Improv seems a lot like managing myself, noticing what “lens” I see the world through, and managing dilemmas.  I don’t know if Tina sees it that way and it really doesn’t matter.  What matters to me is how I approach life .  And in a way, life is one giant never-ending Improv – think about it.

PS – What brings you joy?  Leave me a message.

PSS – Fun book.  A bit irreverent, some language, check it out….

They say laughter is good for the soul.  I believe this is true.  Being positive is uplifting.   Combine laughter and positive; that is some powerful medicine.  Happiness is something I want every day.  So in staying with the deliberate theme, I pursue laughter and happiness.  No, this not a relentless hunt, rather a conscious awareness to notice people/events/words/sayings etc. that bring me joy and make me laugh.  And I am doing fun things.

 

For example, through November we raised over $400 for Mo’vember cancer prevention awareness.  This was a positive way to use my energy.  It was a good way to celebrate a friend no longer with us (about a year ago, a good friend died of cancer.  We donated the money in his honor) and our Mo’vember event embraced fun.  We created random rules, broke everyone, or the ones we wanted to break, and laughed along the way – a whole month!  We are still milking with a final “Shave Off” that happened at 11:11 New Dehli time…go figure.  Laughter and positive makes me happy.

 

PS – Tell me just one thing that brings you joy…it makes me happy  (see the tabs above)

I first wrote about being deliberate a few weeks ago.  Then I made a choice to wait to post.   Here’s why – I am aware of my decisions/actions and I am more “deliberate” about them.  Last week when I wrote some thoughts and observations down, I realized it would not be true “thorough consideration” to post my thoughts so quickly.  So instead over the last few weeks,  I have been attentive about being “deliberate” and worked towards being “truly aware’ when I act .  As a result I am putting my time into areas of my life that bring me joy like family, wife, kids, friends, personal health, personal growth, and writing.  Although this is not a big shift in where I was spending my time before, my level of awareness is higher and that is good.  I am breaking rote habits through conscious choice.  I feel more at peace and I am living in life with forgiveness, compassion, love, understanding, and patience.  Perhaps passion grows from the fire within.

 

Movember is not my idea, although it would be cool if it was.  It is an effort to raise awareness for cancer prevention in men.  It is a great idea and I am happy to be part of it.  If you’d like to read up on it, go to http://us.movember.com/

I lost my dad to lung cancer.  I lost my aunt to pancreatic cancer. I lost my good friend Richard to prostate cancer.  Since the loss of family and friends, I have been thinking about ways to be positive in their absence and do “something” about it.  I have thought about organizing a bike ride around Lake Tahoe (still considering doing that) or some other type of fund raiser; enter Movember.  My friend Dave suggested we think about growing moustaches for the Movember effort.  I suggested that we do it in Richard’s name and we both agreed that would be a good idea to have a fun (d) raiser.  We floated the idea around the office and now we have over 20 folks growing facial hair or faking it.  When I say faking it, we did not want to exclude women and we created a category for the best fake moustache.  We are letting people around the office create categories to describe the moustaches like the Don What?, Ricky Ricardo, or starving artist.  My have a parade or a shave off, trying to bring positive vibes and awareness at the same time.

On a personal note, I am noticing an early trend in my 52 new; #1 was about sharing, #2 was about listening, and #3 is about charity.  The 52 new may be me being observant about what I value?  No judgment, just an observation.  Oh yeah, go to Tab B above and tell me “What Brings You Joy.”  Share it with a friend.

I went on a bike ride with a friend.  We were talking and had a difference of opinion.  We were going back and forth, each one trying to get the other to see the correct point of view…get the other to see a different perspective.  I was getting frustrated, my teeth were clenched, and I pushed my angst into each paddle stroke; I was still unclear as to why he didn’t hear what I was saying.

Then it hit me.  I was him.  We were both doing the same thing, pushing our message out instead of listening.  Oh, I heard what he said, but I didn’t process the information.  In that moment, I stopped talking and began to listen.  I didn’t agree with his position or change my mind or “cave” or…instead I tried to hear and process what was being said.  After a few minutes I noticed I felt better, I was not stressed nor peddling fast with no where to go.

Listening allowed me to let go of my desire to “win” or “be right” or “dominate” the conversation.  Listening gave me time to accept the information as presented and figure out what I might do with it. I know what I think.  I know what I feel.  I know what I do on  daily basis.  I am comfortable in my skin (most of the time).  So, I was going to say something, then I listened.

Watch for typos…statement of the obvious.  I will write, put it aside, re-read, and edit.  Do it again.  Then publish.